A Blue Christmas Reflection

by Joshua Bruner

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.                       John 1: 1-5

Christmas can be hard. Growing up, Christmas was all about family – in all its glory and chaos. The shining light – at the heart of my family, holding all things together was my grandmother.

As a child it was an uncontested fact that she was the most extraordinary person that ever stepped foot on this earth. When you walked into her house, you were treated like royalty. Your only possible offense in her house would be failure to ask for seconds or finish your glass of iced tea. Her home was a sanctuary for lost souls in the neighborhood who needed a shoulder to cry on – or get advice on resolving family issues, and for those lonely and hungry for company. For these people – her lights were always on.

Her house was right next to my elementary school, and I regularly went to her house after school.  One day when I was in fourth grade, I had a truly miserable day. She knew just what to do. First she prepared a snack – and then sat down with me while I ate, and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to my fourth grade drama with the sincerest intention. Finally, she hugged me, and kissed the top of my head. I still remember her voice of encouragement, saying, “Chin up, brave soldier.” Somehow she made everything ok.

Now don’t get me wrong - she had her faults too. She would get very grumpy when her television reception was blocked and she couldn’t watch I Love Lucy reruns – She was a terrifying driver. And she would probably slash your tires if you so much as looked at someone in her family in the wrong way. But as it goes, imperfect people are often made perfect in the eyes of our hearts.

After I graduated from college, I moved to New York and was sitting in my bed in Brooklyn when my cousin called me to tell me that grandma passed away. Her death sliced my heart in two. How do you mourn the loss of the one who was the one with whom you mourned everything?

When you lose someone who shines light in your life, it can be hard to see anything in the same way. It might feel like you see everything differently, and somewhat more dimly: your job, friends, activities – definitely holidays.

The value of light – is not that you see light itself – but rather you see all things because of light. The light allows you to see.

When the light goes out – you miss not only the light, but also the way you were able to see things more clearly.

The introduction of John always reminds me of her, “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness did not overcome it.”

While it is little consolation in moments of my deepest grief, it does help to remember that my grandma is a part of that eternal light. And even with her flaws – and she had them – still, she shone Christ’s light bright throughout her life.

And her light shines still. It shines in all of the lives she touched. It shines in the young people that she empowered – who went on to value family, to give back to their communities. When I see my cousin, who is amazing with his 3 children, I know her light is shining on to them- to generations she never even met. Though I will always miss her – I am grateful that I was able to encounter her light for a little while. And somehow knowing in my heart that she is still with me, and still shedding light on me – I am comforted – and also inspired to pass her loving light on to others.

Her light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

Prayer:

Lord, we pray for those who mourn,

for parents and children,

friends and neighbours.

Be gentle with them in their grief.

Show them the depths of your love,

a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven.

Spare them the torment of guilt and despair.

Be with them as they weep beside the empty tomb

      of our risen Saviour,

Jesus Christ our Lord.

            Amen.